By J.S. O’Keefe
And now is showtime.
At 2:01 p.m. the manager comes out to the parking lot and roars into a bullhorn, “We’ve got over two hundred tomatoes. Only one per person, and only immediate family. Let me repeat it, no friends, no coworkers, only you and members of your family living in the same household, you understand? That means under the same roof, and it's gotta be your primary home, okay? Which by the way must be the same ZIP code as the store’s. The price is, as advertised, eighty bucks apiece.”
Sylvia, a recently widowed schoolteacher who lives in my neighborhood, is standing next to me. She’s fuming. “Wrong! Yesterday’s paper said 77.95.” She shows me the ad. It says, “Fresh tomatoes on the vine: RUNY$77.95 ea.”
“Nickel and dime,” I tell her. “Who cares? What matters, we’re getting tomato today. I am on cloud nine, and a couple dollars difference won’t ruin it.”
Sylvia points at the dozens of plebeians in front of us. “People can claim they have a bunch of children to score more tomatoes. By the time we reach the produce distribution desk they could run out.”
I do the math. The old bat has a point. There are at least fifty in the line ahead of us. Mostly young people, but if they declare themselves married, each having a bunch of kids plus in-laws living with them, we could be out of luck.
The manager probably overheard us because he lifts the bullhorn and yells again, “No worries, citizens, there’s absolutely no possibility for cheating. Just look at your RUNY cards.”
I take out my photo ID. It shows the following:
My name and photo
Address
Employed
Sectors allowed to enter: 1A, 1B, 2C, 3B
Convictions: felonies (0), misdemeanors (2)
Citizen in good standing
Married, four children
Simple addition: 1(me) + 1(wife) + 4(kids) = 6. That’s half a dozen tomatoes!
It’s good to have order. God bless the government of the Republic of Upstate New York!
About the Author
John O’Keefe
J. S. O’Keefe is a scientist, trilingual translator and writer.
His short stories and poems have been published in Roi Faineant, Scribes*MICRO, Every Day Fiction, AntipodeanSF, 101 Words, Microfiction Monday, 50WS, Friday Flash Fiction, Medium, Paragraph Planet, 6S, WENSUM, Spillwords, Satire, etc.
You can find out more at his website: <https://www.szjohnny.net/>
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