By Robin Hillard
“Whoever I choose, I’ll have one triumphant delegation praising my judgement and forty-nine accusing me of prejudice against their kind,” Gillis complained.
DeMaus, his friend, fellow trader and second-in-command agreed. “The bastards set you up!”
The two stared down at the Recreation Deck, where delegates from fifty worlds waved limbs, twisted tentacles and shook horns as they discussed the message on their translaphones.
Twenty years trading through the galaxy had given Gillis unrivalled skills in dealing with aliens, which was why he was leading Earth’s delegation to The First Galactic Congress. But some at home resented his new rank.
That was the politics behind the decision to entertain delegates with an Earth-style beauty contest, and as Earth was hosting the Congress, Gillis, as head of its delegation, would be the judge. The translated voice made its way precariously around the various gendered terms for alien contestants only to slip on the final words, in fifty languages, “Because we are on the Zaratan Platform, the winner will be titled ‘The Zaratan Queen’”
The platform, a holiday destination orbiting Earth, had been adapted for the alien visitors. When the arrangements were being made, the crew had been grateful that, however varied their shape, the delegates from fifty worlds breathed a similar mix of oxygen and nitrogen and were of roughly the same size.
But that similarity caused problems, as the Chancellor explained to Gillis when he chose the trader to lead Earth’s delegation, “Populations competing for the same ecosystems are the ones most likely to clash.” Other leaders shared his fear of a Galactic war, which was why representatives from fifty worlds came to the Zaratan Platform.
Not everyone on Earth approved of the Congress. Some hated anything alien, while others despised negotiation and dreamed of conquering new worlds. No politician dare oppose the popular Chancellor, but they hoped to sabotage his plan.
“Beauty,” Gillis groaned, “is not the same on every world. How can I choose one queen?”
“You can’t,” DeMaus told him. “But there might be a way to limit the damage. Have every delegation choose one attribute and make each worth ten points. That gives a possible 500 points. The delegations are numerically matched, so all you need do is count the points, and you won’t be seen to favour any world. Since Earth is hosting the Congress you can exclude our team.”
Gillis shrugged. “That might work. And it will give our visitors something to do.”
There was little else to amuse the aliens. On any other trip, passengers happily gathered around the Viewers to gaze at the blue sphere of Earth, or, on the opposite side of the Recreation Deck, stare into the vastness of the galaxy. But not this time. Other worlds also chose their delegates from the trading community and space holds no novelty for travel-weary traders. The only eyes watching a Viewer belonged to Gillis’ greyhound, Bella.
On regular trips also, tourists would be entertained with the legend of Zaratan, a turtle so large sailors mistook it for an island. But that was a story for human passengers. In the unlikely event an alien questioned the platform’s name, the crew had been told to respond with a shrug and “Probably some old myth.”
“Keep away animal tales,” Gillis had said in his introductory talk. A beast on one world was certain to resemble the intelligent inhabitants of another, and who knew what would offend the aliens.
But the delegates all knew one animal tale, the sad history of his greyhound, Bella. Bella’s original owner cared nothing for her sweet nature and wanted to shoot her when she lost a race. Gillis had rescued her and now she travelled everywhere with him.
***
While the leaders addressed issues of Galactic communication, their staffs discussed “beauty” and chose their contestants. At the designated time for the contest, they gathered on the Recreation Deck.
The crew did their best to provide seats for their variously shaped passengers, but tentacled delegates had trouble arranging themselves on unfamiliar chairs and many of the multi-limbed preferred to stand. There was much shuffling as delegates at the back craned around horned heads, and those with conveniently stalked eyes swung them to get a good view.
It was time to start the show!
DeMaus was relieved to note how skilfully the aliens used vague, abstract nouns to define each attribute. Did they recognise the sinister reasoning behind the contest? If politicians were the same on every world, they might be facing similar problems themselves.
His grin widened as each delegation presented its chosen contestant. Xenophobic isolationists could not outsmart the intelligent good nature of experienced space wanderers. Whatever the outcome of official negotiations, the greatest achievement of the First Galactic Conference would be the unofficial collaboration of fifty different worlds.
There was no conflict between the delegates, and no alien shape was judged inferior. Because the leader of every group called the same name. The winner of the contest, chosen to represent all fifty worlds, and undisputed Zaratan Queen, was ... the beautiful greyhound. Bella!
About the Author
Robin Hillard
Robin Hillard as had a number of stories published in magazines and ezines including AntipodeanSF.
She now lives in Melbourne with a bossy little dog who takes her to the off leash park.
Everybody (including Robin) knows their dog is the most beautiful and the variety of size and shape gave her the idea for this story.
Ion Newcombe is the editor and publisher of AntipodeanSF, Australia’s longest running online speculative fiction magazine, regularly issued since January 1998, and conceived back around November 2007. He has been a zealous reader and occasional writer of SF since his childhood in the 1960s, and even sold a few stories here and there back in the '90s.
Mark Webb's midlife crisis came in the form of attempting to write speculative fiction at a very slow pace. His wife maintains this is a good outcome considering the more expensive and cliched alternatives. Evidence of Mark's attempts to procrastinate in his writing, including general musings and reviews of books he has been reading, can be found at www.markwebb.name.
Natsumi Tanaka is a writer living in Kyoto, Japan. Her short fiction has appeared in numerous Japanese magazines such as Anima Solaris, Kotori no kyuden, and Tanpen.
Evan James Sheldon’s work has appeared recently in American Literary Review, the Cincinnati Review, and New Flash Fiction Review.
Jake Dean is a writer and waverider living on Kaurna land in South Australia.
Matthew R. Doherty currently resides in Leeds, England, where he spends most of his free time writing about military history, but his other consuming passion is for science fiction.
Joanna is a writer who lives in the bush near the Glasshouse Mountains in Queensland.
Geraldine Borella writes adult short stories and stories for children and has been published in anthologies for both. In 2018, one of her children’s short stories placed second in The Buzz Words Short Story Prize and she won an ASA Emerging Writer’s Mentorship. She currently works part-time as a hospital pharmacist and as an online creative writing tutor.
Andrew writes science-fiction and fantasy from the state of Maryland on the eastern coast of the United States, often drawing ideas from jogs through forest trails at sunrise or a tasty beer at sunset. 
Tim Borella has never lost his childhood passion for SF and writing in general and has been lucky enough to have worked most of his life as a pilot — in other words, he’s never properly grown up.
Old enough to just remember the first manned Moon landing, Kevin was so impressed he made science his life.
Simon Petrie, born and educated in New Zealand, now lives in the Australian Capital Territory, where he is paid to be careful with words.
Although a writer of the baby boom persuasion, Ed has not boomed for quite a while.
Sarah Pratt is an avid fiction writer and a Marketing Consultant.
Garry Dean lives on the Mid Coast of New South Wales Australia, and has been a fan of SF for most of his natural life. Being vision impaired, he makes good use of voice recognition and text to speech in order to write. Many of his stories have appeared in AntipodeanSF over the years, and his love of all things audio led him to join the narration team in 2017.
Timothy Gwyn is a professional pilot in Canada, where he flies to remote communities. During a lull in his flying career, he was a radio announcer for three years, and he is also an author.
Laurie Bell lives in Melbourne, Australia. She was that girl you found with her nose always buried in a book. She has been writing ever since she was a little girl and first picked up a pen. From books to short stories, radio plays to snippets of ideas and reading them aloud to anyone who will listen.
Alistair Lloyd is a Melbourne based writer and narrator who has been consuming good quality science fiction and fantasy most of his life.
Pixie is a voice actor, cabaret performer & slam poet From the Blue Mountains in NSW.
