Do Not Reply

By Nicholas Sheppard

sfgenrePlease do not reply to this e-mail, it said, This e-mail address is not monitored.

Well, that's a refreshing attitude, I thought! If it's not the government or one of their three-to-four letter agencies, it's advertisers, giant corporations, scammers, or that nosy bastard Jim down the road, all wanting to monitor my e-mail, and probably phone calls and text messages too. They’d probably put closed-circuit television in every room in my house if they could.

So I wrote back. Hello, how are you, nice to meet a kindred soul, that sort of thing.

I waited. It took only a few minutes. You were told not to reply, it said.

I don’t take instructions from machines, I told it. I have an independent mind, after all, that’s why those three-to-four letter agencies want to know so much about me. I explained all of this in an e-mail.

Do you take instructions from signs reading ‘Danger – High Voltage’?

So I told my new friend about the time when, after a few beers, Joe and Malcolm and Cedric and I scaled one of those giant metal electricity pylons. Joe lost his grip and fell as we clambered over the barbed wire at the lowest level of the pylon, and lay there whining while the rest of us drank a celebratory beer a few levels up. Malcolm wanted to climb all the way to the electricity wires — he said he wouldn’t be electrocuted if he only touched one of them — but chickened out when it turned out he’d have to climb hand-over-hand in order to descend from the horizontal beam to the wires below it.

I think I can make you a media star.

Of course I was interested. It’s nice being a clown with your mates and all, but to be a real influencer you have to have a media following. I asked what I had to do.

You can have an audience of millions, if you distribute the mail that I send you.

Boy, was it a lot of mail! Newsletters for macrame groups in Russia, invitations to submit articles to the Journal of Cosmopolitan Humanists, updates from the Polynesian Christian Science Daily, advertisements for snake-handlers, I mean, who’d want to talk to all of these people!

So I’ve changed my address to do-not-reply.

rocket crux 2 75

About The Author

Nicholas Sheppard

nicholas sheppard 150x150Nicholas Sheppard is an Australian software engineer and academic, currently teaching in Singapore. He has published numerous scientific articles in venues with very serious names, several non-fiction pieces for a less serious mediaeval re-creation group, and occasional pieces of fiction in AntipodeanSF.

aus25grn

AntiSF & The ASFF

AntipodeanSF supports the ASFF

asff img

Please visit the ASFF website and consider joining for up-to-date info about Australian SF cons, awards, competitions, and to receive the Foundation's newsletter, Instrumentality, and more.

<http://asff.org.au>

Download AntiSF E-Book

Epub version: 

Kindle version: 

The AntipodeanSF Radio Show

In The Next Issue...

Coming In Issue 230

A Last Supper
by Phillip Berrie

A Reluctant Zombie
by Natalie J.E. Potts

Pandora's Smile
by Joanna Galbraith

Retirement Is Not The Last Word
by Laurie Bell

Square Musing
by Soar

The Game Of Lifes
by George Nikolopoulos

To Serve The Master
by Zeb Carter

The Master
by Robert David

The Passengers
by Botond Teklesz

When I Was God
by Kevin J. Phyland

Get Dimension 6

D6sidebar

Get Dimension 6 Speculative Fiction

From Coeur De Lion Publishing

Here at AntiSF
Download D6 Now!

"Trust me, you want this free speculative fiction e-zine."
(Rob Hood)

AntipodeanSF August 2018

ISSUE 229

Speculative Fiction
Downside-Up
ISSN 1442-0686

Online Since Feb 1998

rocket crux 2 75

SF News

SF News

Melbourne International Film Festival - SciFi Marathon & Retrospective
August 3 till 20 2017, various Melbourne venues. Massive Sci-Fi Retrospective featuring many of the genre’s most groundbreaking, influential and important films alongside some of its most inventive and entertaining.
Two major highlights of the program are the festival's first-ever all-night cult Sci-Fi Marathon at The Astor; and a special screening of René Laloux’s mesmerising ‘70s landmark Fantastic Planet, with an original score courtesy of Melbourne space rockers Krakatau under the aegis of the Hear My Eyes collective. More information at MIFF's SciFi Page. <http://miff.com.au/sci-fi-retrospective>.

 

Aussie Awards News

CSFG/Conflux 13 Short Story Competition
Conflux wants your stories of 4000 words or under, in any speculative fiction genre, on this year’s theme, which is, BLOOD, GOLD, LIES. More information here: <http://conflux.org.au/c11-competitions/>

For more up-to-date Aussie SF info join the ASFF: <asff.org.au>

 

Upcoming Aussie Cons

Nullus Anxietas VI
The Discworld Grand Tour — The Lakes Resort Hotel, West Lakes, Adelaide, South Australia on 4-6 August 2017.  More information: <https://ausdwcon.org/>.

Conflux 13 (2017)
Grimmtales. Canberra 29 September through to Monday 2 October 2017. Guests of Honour: Ellen Datlow, Angela Slatter, Kaaron Warren. You can now read the provisional program here <http://conflux.org.au/program/>. More information: <http://conflux.org.au/>.

Genrecon 2017
State Library of QLD 10-12 November 2017. More information <https://www.awmonline.com.au/genrecon/getting-involved-in-genrecon/>.

Swancon 2018 (NatCon)
Transmogrification. Pan Pacific Hotel, Perth. (Easter) 29 March to 02 April 2018 . Guests: Kameron Hurley, Ryan Griffen, Barb de la Hunty. More information: <http://swancon.com.au/>.

For more up-to-date Aussie SF info join the ASFF: <asff.org.au>

The AntipodeanSF Radio Show Podcast

antipod-show-50The AntipodeanSF Radio Show delivers audio from the pages of this magazine.

The weekly program features the stories from recently published issues, usually narrated by the authors themselves.

Listen to the latest episode now:

The AntipodeanSF Radio Show is also broadcast on community radio, 2NVR, 105.9FM every Saturday evening at 8:30pm.

You can find every episode online here: http://antisf.libsyn.com 

S5 Box

Login Form

S5 Register

You need to enable user registration from User Manager/Options in the backend of Joomla before this module will activate.

SF Quote

Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.

Isaac Asimov